So I left home on the 3rd of February 2017.
I was scared. Boy was I scared and nervous. I had no idea where I was going (ok I did) or where I would end up (ok again I did). All I knew was that I had to leave. Leave to a new place and try make it on my own somewhere.
I wasn’t really sure what I was getting myself into, but I was ready for whatever challenges I would have to face.
I HAD NO IDEA JUST HOW DIFFICULT THINGS WOULD ACTUALLY BE FOR ME!
I cried. Boy did I cry. I was frustrated. Lawd knows I was frustrated. There were many a time when I thought this isn’t working out, I’m going to have to go home and return the same loser and failure I was when I left. As let down as I felt, I knew that I had to keep on trying. I knew I couldn’t just give up and go home because I was feeling discouraged and disappointed.
I tried and tried and tried, and on the 12th of April 2017 I got the news I’d been hoping for since forever – a job interview for the following week.
At last. Finally something good from all the endless jobs I had applied for.
So I went and attended the interview but left feeling very uneasy about it all. I don’t know why I did, I just did.
The wait for word back on how it actually went felt like forever, but before the day way over, I got confirmation that I was successful and that I had myself a job.
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot even being to express my relief and excitement over the news.
But as excited and happy as I am, I’m also incredible nervous and scared about all the things that are going to happen.
I’ve been out the working game for so long that it might take a while for me to get used to everything. And because I’ve been out the working game for so long and also trying to deal with so many other things, I’ve been staying indoors most of the time, so I’m not exactly used to being around people constantly. Ok I did volunteer 5/6 days a week for 6 months last year so I guess I’m more used to people but I dunno. It’s gonna be a huge adjustment to everything that’s for sure.
But that’s the whole reason why I left. So I could get outside (more) and do stuff. Make something of my life. Sitting at home in your pj’s all day every day can be nice, but you get too comfortable doing nothing. And that’s what happened to me. It’s as though I had accepted the fact that nothing was ever going to happen to/for me so why should I bother putting in any effort.
Now that things ARE (slowly) happening for me, I can get back the motivation I once had. I can start to prepare for the bigger picture.
I can move on with my life.
I still have a long way to go but at least things are looking up for me.
In the words of Benjamin Mee “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
(If you haven’t watched the movie “We Bought A Zoo” GO WATCH IT!)
When the odds are up against you, try, try and try again. Don’t give up. Don’t let defeat defeat you (if that makes any sense).
Anywhoo, that’s my big news. After soo many years of trying, crying, being defeated and let down, I am slowly but surely trying to get my life together.
It’s been a long road to hoe, but I know I’m going to make it.
One step at a time.