No Expectations, No Disappointment Right?

I don’t know what to write about these days.

I don’t want to talk about my job or my relationship but fear those two things are exactly what I’m going to end up talking about.

I’ve wanted to write about this (my relationship) for a while now, but always felt it wasn’t appropriate at the time. It still feels a little inappropriate but I’m the kind of person who, when there’s something on the mind, I gotta “vent it out” in writing.

So..what happened after I (we) “bridged the gap”?

It took us 3 years to close the gap on our long distance relationship. More like it took ME 3 years to bridge the gap since I’m the one who left home and moved to where he is.

Yep. Literally just left everything and moved to a place I had only been to less than a handful of times. The only people I knew were his family and a few of his friends.

I was especially happy and excited that I was FINALLY going to be around my boyfriend ALL THE TIME and we’d FINALLY have the chance to be a normal couple and have a proper relationship. I don’t have to tell you that being in a long distance relationship is no plain sailing.

I had expectations of what my (our) life would be. I thought things would be different. Be better.

Things were not to be. Instead of all the things I hoped would be, all I got was disappointment. And lots of it. We had problems. Major problems. I want to say mainly (mostly?) caused by me. When you’re in a long distance relationship, all you want to do is spend every waking moment with your person. You live for the times when you get to spend (physical) time together and you dread the goodbyes, not knowing when (or if) you’ll see each other again.

I knew things were about to take a dramatic turn, but I just didn’t know how much things would actually change. Instead of us being closer, I suddenly found things between us growing distant.

I couldn’t understand it. I was so confused and a little hurt about how things were turning out to be. I just didn’t get it. I thought he was happy that I moved and that I was going to be around him and stuff, but that wasn’t the impression that I got.

We barely talked. We were living in the same house and were around each other all the time, but it felt like we were strangers.

It was just the worst feeling.

In the midst of all this hurt, disappointment and confusion, I spoke to my sisters about everything that was going on and they made things clearer to me and helped me understand that of course things were going to be different. Neither of us had done this before (the transition from long distance). It was new to us both. It would take time for us to re-establish our relationship, to figure out how to be around each other and all that stuff.

I won’t lie; it was difficult for us both. Me more than him. Maybe I was being too needy, too pushy, always wanting him for myself. All I wanted to do was be with him and spend time with him, and when I didn’t get anything in return, it felt like our relationship was going nowhere and that it was on the verge of ending.

We were both going through some things. I was trying to sympathetic towards him, but at the same time, I needed him too and I felt like I was in all of this on my own.

It really sucked.

But things are much better now I feel. We talk more, listen to each other more and communicate more openly now too. We’re both working again and we do spend a lot more time together doing stuff. We’re still working on things and I know we still have a long way to go, but at least things are slowly getting better.

We’re both trying, and that’s always a positive step forward in the right direction.

I have learnt a lot from this whole experience. I’ve learnt a lot about myself, about him, about our relationship. I think I’m a lot better at trying to deal with things, and in a better manner too.

It’s still difficult for me at times when things don’t go according to plan (I don’t always deal with disappointment well), or when things change, but that’s part of life. You live and learn right? Well most people do, not me, lol.

Relationships these days are hard. At the end of the day, communication is key. You gotta keep tying your best to make things work. It’s 50/50 after all.

As much as he drives me crazy at times, I love him, I love us and I’m not going to give up on either any time soon.

Anywhoo, I’m glad I have this outlet to say things I feel I should or need to.

Writing always changes my mood.

Hopefully I’ll get back into the swing of things, but for now, I’ll be ok with my little blurbs (even I get tired of writing about the same ol tired things, must be even worse for those who choose to read my stuff, lol).

I’m done for today, think I’ll go outside or do some reading, or take a nap or something.

Ciao till next time 🙂


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