Oh Yes, I’m The Great Pretender

This is going to be the most random post ever. I haven’t had much of a chance to write anything. I never have the time and when I am off from work, I tend to want to do nothing but sit in my pjs or sleep.

Anyway, let me get to it before I start to feel lazy again.

So on the 3^rd of February, it was a year since I moved to England. A whole year living away from home. Things haven’t quite gone to plan, but that’s what you get for being a dreamer eh, lol.

I’m not complaining. In the past year I’ve had 2 jobs (well I’m onto my second), I’ve had a roof over my head, food in my tummy and a bed to sleep on. There was a time when I thought I would be in different temporary accommodations throughout the year (or even be living in a tent somewhere in the park), but luckily I was able to not be in that situation.

But yeah, like I’ve mentioned before, it’s been a difficult year for me at times. I’ve felt down and out, like giving up and just going back home, but I knew I couldn’t. Giving up is easy and I didn’t want to do that. I still don’t. But at times I’m like what am I actually trying to do? I keep trying and it’s getting me nowhere.

The scary thing about me giving up is that I really will give up. On everything. Myself, my life, my relationship. Everything will just come to an end for me and I won’t want to get myself out of the dark place.

I know for a fact that would happen. I’m still trying every day to improve things for myself, so that’s good I guess.

Now to explain the title of this post.

I like to think of myself as a creative person. I’m not really though. I’m just a big thinker and a huge dreamer.  I love to dream. I also love books, buying books (and then never reading them), and of course I enjoy writing. Hence the awesome picture below.

I’m going to have a lot of free time on my hands, because my job, will no longer be mine. It’s going to happen real soon. Either I leave or they let me go. You see, I’m not very good at my job. I’m a bit of a slow poke, and in the word of house keeping, you can be anything but.

So why am I seriously considering leaving this job? Let me give you a brief run down. I got a job in a different area. An hour away by train and then a 15 minute walk to work. I start work at 8…8:30am. That means I have to wake up around 4 or 4.30 am to get ready and leave the house at 6 to get the train at 6.25am to be there on time. I’m normally done after 4, sometimes after 5 pm and then I have to get to the train station to head home. I usually have to wait anything from half an hour to an hour for the next train. It’s not much fun in the cold weather I’ll tell you that. Then once that’s done, I gotta wait for the bus home (again, anything from half an hour to an hour) and walk 10 minutes till I’m in the door. Wake up at 4, be in the door after 7…8pm. It doesn’t sound so bad right? The thing that gets me is how much I have to spend on transport. On average I’m looking at about £120.00 a week. Yes A WEEK! It’s ridiculous.

I don’t have that kind of money to spend on transport. I’m spending more on transport than I get paid. Not worth it in the long term. Speaking of pay, it’s great; I just don’t get to see any of it. Like literally. After expenses, you’re left with basically nothing.

So that’s part of the reason why I’m going to be unemployed for a little while. But it’s ok, because I am a pretend writer and I have all the things I need to get me started on being a famous, well known writer *laughs*. I don’t want to be famous, I just want to write. Or at least develop the skills to be somewhat good at it.

I don’t know what’s going to happen when I eventually get told, “thanks, but we no longer require your services”. On the one hand I’ll be relieved to not have to spend so much money but on the other, I’ll be unemployed, and that is not good. Hopefully it won’t be for too long.

I dunno. It seems that this year will be full of temporary things. Maybe this is my life. I’m just meant to be a drifter and try just about everything.

All the “free” time I’ll have will give me some time to breathe and re-evaluate things once again.

Back to work tomorrow. Yayyyyy NOT! Should be fun. Hopefully there will be new people starting so we don’t have such a heavy work load. It’s been way too much lately. No wonder I’m always dead by 3pm.

Anywhoo, can’t wait for my next day off. C’monnnn Monday!

Take care till then 🙂