So it’s the year 2020 and also my first post of the year.
It’s taken a long while for me to be able to formulate anything (I still don’t think I’ll be able to) but we’ll see how it goes.
2019 marked a milestone for me. It was the year that marked 10 years that I’ve been living in the UK. 10 years! That is a long time to be away from home.
I can tell you now that when I heard the news about our family making the permanent move over, I was THE happiest person on the planet! As much as where I was born and grew up was home, I did not have the greatest of times. It wasn’t all bad, but I just had a really tough time there. It really was hell personally for me and I could not WAIT to get away and leave everything behind and start afresh, which is what I was hoping for when I arrived in Scotland.
Moving from southern Africa to live in Scotland was the first big major change for me. I literally had no idea about just how much my life was about to change.
I thought things would be better for me..easier in some ways, but boy was I met with ALOT of challenges.
I found it real difficult to get a job, I didn’t know anyone (apart from family) I had no friends. Where we lived was a very small area and I did feel isolated.
Then came the depression and anxiety and that was another whole different ball game. I can’t say for sure if I’ve always had depression but the anxiety was always there. But it was like when I moved, it manifested into something I never knew. I think I became depressed because I was so isolated and introverted (not that being an introvert is a bad thing – shout out to all the introverts out there bossing life!) and was just finding life in general really hard.
I tried, lawd knows I tried. I was in Scotland from Sept 2009 till Feb 2017, and I was completely unemployed from 2011 till 2017. That period of my life was really bad in personal terms. I barely left the house unless I had to or needed to. Spent most of my time sleeping all day and staying up all night, or hardly sleeping at all. I also made a new home at my local doctors. That was fun going back and forth every now and then. Nothing seriously wrong with me though, but when another is concerned, they send you to the docs.
But yeah, safe to say my life changed dramatically but I wouldn’t change a thing. I haven’t been back to the place I grew up in and I have no desire to. It sounds really harsh and stuck up but I have my reasons. But please please PLEASE don’t get me wrong, Botswana is a very beautiful country that has a lot to offer, and if you ever get the opportunity or chance to visit, please do.
I do love Scotland and it will always be my home, as will Botswana.
Now onto my next part of my post. I probably should have mentioned in the beginning about how long this post might actually be, opps. Kudos if you’re still reading and made it this far 👍
Anyway, in the beginning of February 2017, I made the brave, bold (and scary) move to England. The only reason why I moved to the specific place I’m living in now, is because of my boyfriend. We met online in November 2013. Being in a long distance relationship has it’s own troubles and issues. We saw each other literally once a year. At times it may have been two seperate trips. We were apart long distance nearly 4 years before I moved.
The funny thing is, I had no hesitations about packing up and moving, the only thing that bothered me was leaving my Dad. Till this day, I still have a bit of regret about leaving him. My dad is my number 1. He’s the only person that has been there for me since day 1. We’ve always had such a great relationship and I think me making the decision to move to a different country made me feel like a really awful person and a bad daughter for “abandoning” him to do my thing.
But I had to leave. I wasn’t having any luck where I lived. I couldn’t handle the loneliness I felt day in and day out. I was indoors 80% of the time (mainly due to the cold weather and my introvertism) didn’t make any friends (apart from people I worked with and my online ones) and I was just a whole nother person. I was just soo unhappy and I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I knew I had to make some big changes in my life. I would have left and moved anyway. It was just a matter of when.
So anyway, 3 years ago TODAY I left Scotland for a new life in England. And once again, EVERYTHING in my life was about to change.
I packed up my essentials, got my train tickets and heading into the unknown.
I had like 300.00 in account plus my savings account I dare not touch unless it was a real state of emergency. I left knowing I had no permanent place to stay, very little money and no job to walk into.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
I took a risk, a leap of faith, that things might work out better for me here. Never been so scared of anything in my entire life. But I knew I had to give it a shot. And if it didn’t work out, least I can say I tried.
So anyway, luckily my boyfriend’s friends let me stay in their spare room till I managed to sort myself out. I’ll always be grateful to the pair of them for doing that and welcoming me into their home 🙏
I didn’t get a job until mid April. I took a chance seeing as though it was the same one the boyfriend was doing. Boy did I hate that job and working environment! But again, I couldn’t afford to turn down any paid work. I eventually left that job in October, early November and spent the month of December doing nothing.
(I actually got sick and people thought I was pregnant, it was not the case, I just had a real bad lingering cold 😂)
Oh I guess I should mention that a few months after getting that job, I moved in with le bf and his fam (I won’t talk about that, lol)
Anyhoo, January 2018 I was yet again back on the job hunt trail. I applied for a job that offered training and didn’t need much work experience, I thought why not. It was out of town but I thought (at the time) it wouldn’t be so bad.
Now this job, was alot of hard work. Housekeeping is no joke I learned early on! But I loved working there. The people I worked with were all great and we all got along well, but the travelling and cost of transport was absolutely draining. It took a toll on me mentally and physically.
I eventually got another (housekeeping) job closer to home later on that year. Now this place, ohhhh my gawd I absolutely HATED working there. It was just way too demanding and very busy. I felt like I wasn’t being treated fairly and the supervisors were always on my back about everything. It was an awful time working there. I even had a major panic attack and had to be seen by the paramedics things were that bad for me there.
Thank goodness I was only there on a temporary basis. I was for sure thinking I was gonna get canned well before I was set to leave. But as much as I hated everything there, and wanted to leave, I knew I had to stick it out till the end. I had no choice but to 🤷🏽♀️
After that ordeal I decided I needed to recover mentally and went home to Scotland for a month.
I came back to do it alll over agaaiiinn. Not the housekeeping thing, but look for another job.
Which brings me to the present time. I may have been here 3 years and on my 4th job but you know what, I love my job where I am now.
I’ve been here nearly a year at it ( year next month). This is the longest I’ve ever been employed in a job since moving to the UK. My work colleagues are amazing, my work environment is great and I just love everything about it.
Last year with the help of my ex co worker, I managed to move into my own place. It’s a very small studio flat but I don’t care, it’s mine.
So yeah, I feel like I’m at a point in my life whereby I’m happier than before. I’m content with how things are at the moment. There’s still a few issues and major problems but I’m hoping all that will work itself out. If not, I’ll find a way to move on and carry on.
I may not be where I want to be, but I feel that right now, this is the place to be. I’m doing a lot better physically and mentally, and that is always a good thing.
I am very proud of everything I’ve managed to achieve and accomplish since moving. It’s been hard, things are still hard for me at times, but I’m still trying to do my best and make things work.
You gotta keep doing you. Make things work for you. Do your best for you and do what’s best for you too.
Live life for the moment and make the best of everything 🙌
Keep the faith and enjoy the adventure, because after all, the journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step 😊
Adventures Of A Drifter 